Jared and the Fat Man

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So far all of these posts have been written by the fat skinny guy inside me.  Over the past six weeks I have had pretty good success staying on point.  The fat skinny guy inside me has been ecstatic.  He’s enjoyed eating right, exercising and clothes fitting better.  He’s had a pretty good run.

Mean while, the fat fat guy inside me has been brooding and sulking like a teenager sent to his room without any wi-fi access.  He begrudgingly admits that while he has been forced to eat healthier it has still been pretty good food.  I’m pretty sure he was the one who sabotaged the couple of work outs I missed, no doubt reveling in the extra victory sleep he earned himself with his nefarious deeds (even if the victories were short lived when I squeezed in a make up trip to gym later in the week).

He did have one other “Win” this week.  Our church, every 4-6 weeks will schedule a hospitality night.  This is intended to give the church members a chance to get together with other families and enjoy a bit of fellowship.  A young married couple (Thanks Phil and Sarah) invited us over and since we usually are hosting rather than being hosted we were excited to go.  Now I’m not sure if it was the eclipse or the super moon or if Saturn was in retro-grade (that’s a thing right?) but I’m pretty sure that the fat fat guy ruled the night.  I imagine they had a conversation that went something like this:

FatFat: “Dude, you’ve never been invited to someone’s house before. It’s very important that you follow the rules or you could risk offending them.”

FatSkinny: “Oh, really?  I don’t want to offend anyone.”

FatFat: “Of course you don’t.  So let me take the lead tonight.  I promise I’ll stick to the plan.

The fat skinny guy inside me is very trusting and let the fat fat guy take the lead.  For the first part of the night he behaved himself.  He had a couple of small carnitas tacos with lots of onions and cilantro and just a little bit of the avocado salsa on top.  Together they licked the plate clean.  The fat skinny guy was content and satisfied.  The fat fat guy was just getting going.  When he got up to get more, the conversation continued:

FatSkinny: “Dude, what are you doing?  We just ate. We’re good.”

FatFat: “Man, you don’t know anything do you.  Sarah is a Filipina.”

FatSkinny: “So.”

FatFat: “Dude, we cleaned our plate.  That’s very offensive in her culture.  You need to leave a little on the plate so that she knows you’re full.”

FatSkinny: “That’s not true.  Besides, she knows we’re dieting she’ll understand.”

FatFat: “Oh, she’ll say she understands but inside she’ll be crying bitter tears as you trample all over her culture and people. Do you really want to upset this lovely young lady? Can you live with yourself knowing that you have caused her great embarrassment and she’ll never be able to host another dinner again?  Are you a monster?  Are you dead inside?”

FatSkinny: “Okay, okay.  But just grab a little and eat even less of it.”

After eating a second, FULL plate, the fat fat guy was hitting his stride.

FatSkinny: “Dude, you ate the whole thing.  You were supposed to leave some on the plate so she wouldn’t be offended. Now you have to get more.”

FatFat: “No way man, I’m stuffed.  I couldn’t eat another bite.”

FatSkinny: “WHAT?!”

FatFat: “Besides, we still have dessert.”

FatSkinny:”We are so not having dessert. We’ve eaten way too much already.”

FatFat: “Hey, we have to have dessert. They went through all that effort to make us food. It would be rude not to eat it.”

FatSkinny: “Fine! One small piece. But I am not happy”

Eats dessert.

FatFat: “Oh man, that was fantastic. I think those were lemon bars?”

FatSkinny: “How could you tell?  You inhaled them so fast I’m surprised any of it was on your tongue long enough to taste it. And I said one small piece. You  didn’t have to eat two and Nicole’s!”

The fat fat guy paid dearly the next couple of days.  The fat skinny guy pushed him at the gym harder than he’s been pushed to this point. Determined to make up any ground we may have lost eating like a glutton.  I sweated more, ran harder, and biked farther setting new personal bests in all three categories.  I went to the gym at 5:30am and I’m pretty sure it was noon before I stopped sweating.  Despite the fat fat guys best efforts, I am still weighing in at 28 lbs. lighter than when I started.

I learned something about myself this week.  I have no will power at other people’s homes. So if you invite us  to dinner, please understand in advance I will have to say no to some foods.  I don’t want to offend you. I just can’t take the extra work at the gym.

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One Month in and doing alright.

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I missed a week.

If it’s any consolation I only missed posting a blog, not eating right and exercising.  I am officially through one month (technically one month and one week). As it stands I am down 25 lbs. (technically 25.2).  I am also enjoying the added benefit of fitting into clothes that I previously couldn’t wear (technically I wore them but I shouldn’t have).  I have a couple of work shirts that I wear twice a week and while I have worn them since receiving them, I taxed them far beyond the abilities of mortal clothing.  I am happy to report that they now fit comfortably.  I am also down two notches on my belt-something else that was taxed beyond normal standards.  I am feeling better and if I may be so bold, I am looking better.

That’s not to say that this first month has been without its trials.  There have been several nights after work where going to the gym has been a struggle.  I’ve had to talk myself out of the comfort of my car like a hostage negotiator.  “C’mon, you have to work with me here. You go inside and I’ll make sure you get the large pizza, helicopter and $1,000,000 in small, unmarked, non-sequential bills.” Fortunately, just like on TV I fall for it every time even though I know I can’t fulfill  any of my demands.

It has also occurred on two occasions that I have missed the gym in the morning before work.  The first day was the day after labor day in which I had played baseball and swam(?) swimmed(?)-had swummed(?) (At any rate I was in a pool doing that thing were you move your arms and legs so as not to die).  The second was just this last Tuesday when I woke up at the sound of my alarm and turned it off and then was awakened 20 minutes later by my 4 year old crawling into bed.  But despite that I just made it up later in the week and haven’t missed going to the gym 5 times in a week, yet.

Eating right has not been as challenging, YET, as I thought it would be.  My wife has been doing some amazing, “clean eating” recipes which she posts on her blog at 365ish Days of Pinterest (Nothing wrong with a little cross promotion, right?). We’ve eaten well.  We have a cheat day once a week in which we are allowed one sweet treat.  So when I have a craving for something I just talk myself into waiting for cheat day.  When cheat day comes I find that I am not willing to over do it on the sweet treat because I don’t want to undo all the hard work it took to get to the cheat day.  Side note: once I reach my desired weight I plan on tearing through a carton of  Bear Claw ice cream. Trust me, 2017 can’t get here fast enough.

I am enjoying my gym membership.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been waiting to try the elliptical machine as it protested loudly the first time I tried to use it.  Well, today I gave it another shot.  It still protested although not as loudly and since there were plenty of other people using the protesting machines I felt confident enough to carry on.  I joined the chorus of elliptical machines, mine, of course, singing lead.  Just after I had passed one mile (yeah me!) there came a loud CU-CHUNK from my machine (which I’m pretty sure is elliptical for “Okay, fat boy, this is as far as I take you.“) so I quickly stopped, wiped it down and walked away like I had never been there.  I am dreading the return trip tomorrow morning where I expect to see that particular machine replaced with a grave stone which reads “RIP-elliptical #3-You gave more than was asked-and that last guy was asking a lot!”

I have made a new friend at the gym whose name aptly enough is Jim.  He is an older gentleman who could exercise circles around me and most of the people there.  He took time one day to tell me how much he admired us “big guys” who find a way to get to the gym and exercise on a regular basis.  He didn’t say it with any pity or sarcasm. It was pure compassion and encouragement.  We see each other on Mondays and Tuesdays and now we talk regularly.

That is one thing I have appreciated through the beginning of this process.  I have received encouragement from so many people: My family, my church family, friends, co-workers, customers, complete strangers.  It is a blessing to have you all supporting me.  I’ll be honest (as I mentioned in the first post) I probably would have quit already if I was just trying to do this for myself.  Knowing that you all are supporting me and encouraging me, the people-pleaser in me just doesn’t want to let you down.  So thank you for your month long support.  I looked forward to rejoicing in victory with you all at the end.  The ice cream will be on me.

My Goals

HOW MUCH I AM

Ever since I was a kid I have loved to play sports.  I would play almost anything-even soccer. I remember summer days spent outside until the street lights came on playing baseball with a handful of kids, a bat and an old tennis ball. It didn’t matter what we were playing, I wanted to be the best and I wanted to win.

I still have that competitive fire in my belly (there’s ample room for that now). I still have a love for sports and will, given the opportunity, play anything I can (even soccer-but only if there’s absolutely nothing else to do). As my weight has climbed those ventures have become more difficult and fewer and farther between.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to play a friendly game of softball (friendly meaning one in which my deteriorating skills will go largely unnoticed). I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  After loading up on Ibuprofen I began to think about the fat skinny guy inside me and pictured what he would be saying.

The fat fat guy was exhausted and trying to figure out why we went outside instead of staying home and watching a Psych marathon on TV. But the fat skinny guy (who I am happy to report is feeling trimmer these days having lost a full 15 lbs) was ecstatic.  He was all geeked out about playing sports again and started listing all of the things we’re going to do once our body is cooperative. So I thought I would share some of those things with you in the form of goals.

GOAL #1:

Run a race by my 40th birthday.

I shared this one with my wife the other day. I was a little tentative about sharing this goal with her as the last one I shared with her (my dream to own an Audi) was not only laughed at but she shot it to pieces and lit the tattered remains on fire. However I know my wife loves me and am confident she would support a realistic goal (even one as unrealistic as me running a race). Instead she insisted that I could do it well before my 40th birthday which is still a little over three years away.

I have to be honest, I really don’t enjoy running at all. Even back when it was easy to do. Unless I was running whilst carrying a football or rounding the bases I didn’t really do it.  So I have no desire to become a runner. I don’t even want to run a marathon (the thought of which makes me chuckle to myself) or a half. I might be able to tolerate a 5k or a 10k if it’s like a mud run or something. So as a compromise to my wife’s insistence that I not wait until I’m 40 I have recorded as a goal to run a race by my 40th birthday. That gives me three years to find something that will interest me. And also gives me some time to get to a weight that won’t engender chortles at the starting line.

GOAL #2:

Fit comfortably in a seat at a baseball game.

I love baseball and I have a young boy who is super interested in sports. I am currently waging a battle against his mother and all of Southern California for his fandom. I am a Giants fan! Since I was 9 I have loved the orange and black.  I even named our first dog after the Giants then skipper Dusty Baker. My wife will insist that it was because of the dusty looking spots under her fur but it was my name and I know its true inspiration.  I want my boy to like the Giants too. I want to take him to a Giants home game and go early so we can get an autograph or two. I know this would seal the deal for him and make him a Giant for life. But as it stands right now those chairs are extremely uncomfortable for me to sit in for three hours.  So I have officially made this a goal for which I will strive.

GOAL #3:

Play on a rec-league softball team. 

Have I mentioned I love baseball? I want to play it again without being a detriment to the team.  I am an infielder.  Even as a kid I was far too slow for the outfield. I have in the past played third base and short stop.  I would love to return to the diamond but right now I have a hard enough time getting to a ball let alone bending over and picking it up.  My batting has also suffered greatly.  It’s hard to get around on an inside pitch when the inside is crowded by a considerable amount of body.

GOAL #4:

Fit comfortably in an airline seat.

I love my wife.  I made a promise to her a few years ago that I have not been able to keep as of yet.  That promise was to take her on a really great vacation.  There are several reasons we haven’t done this yet, not the least of which is financial.  That being said one major deterrent  is any really great vacation will require air travel (I’m so not a driving vacation kind of guy).  The last few times I’ve flown I’ve needed a seat belt extender.  I hate asking for one because the flight attendant always looks disdainfully at me, I’m sure wondering why I bother to fly in the first place.  It’s embarrassing but I’ve endured it.

The real reason I don’t want to fly is because those airline seats are not built for such a load as this.  I have never had to buy a second seat for myself but I am sure I would be mortified to do so.  I want to fly to the east coast with my wife and take a Caribbean cruise. I would like to sit next to her on a plane without adding any burden to her seat or (as has happened in the past) forcing her out into the aisle to get a little space.  I want to have my own seat, be able to put the arm rest down and use only the one seat belt.  Oh, and maybe be able to get the tray table to lay flat in front of me so I don’t have to use the one next to me to place my drink and bag of peanuts.

I have many other goals to be sure.  I will not belabor you with them at this point but I will share more with you as I progress. I will also share when I have reached these goals. If you haven’t already heard me shouting about it in exuberance.