Jared and the Fat Man

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So far all of these posts have been written by the fat skinny guy inside me.  Over the past six weeks I have had pretty good success staying on point.  The fat skinny guy inside me has been ecstatic.  He’s enjoyed eating right, exercising and clothes fitting better.  He’s had a pretty good run.

Mean while, the fat fat guy inside me has been brooding and sulking like a teenager sent to his room without any wi-fi access.  He begrudgingly admits that while he has been forced to eat healthier it has still been pretty good food.  I’m pretty sure he was the one who sabotaged the couple of work outs I missed, no doubt reveling in the extra victory sleep he earned himself with his nefarious deeds (even if the victories were short lived when I squeezed in a make up trip to gym later in the week).

He did have one other “Win” this week.  Our church, every 4-6 weeks will schedule a hospitality night.  This is intended to give the church members a chance to get together with other families and enjoy a bit of fellowship.  A young married couple (Thanks Phil and Sarah) invited us over and since we usually are hosting rather than being hosted we were excited to go.  Now I’m not sure if it was the eclipse or the super moon or if Saturn was in retro-grade (that’s a thing right?) but I’m pretty sure that the fat fat guy ruled the night.  I imagine they had a conversation that went something like this:

FatFat: “Dude, you’ve never been invited to someone’s house before. It’s very important that you follow the rules or you could risk offending them.”

FatSkinny: “Oh, really?  I don’t want to offend anyone.”

FatFat: “Of course you don’t.  So let me take the lead tonight.  I promise I’ll stick to the plan.

The fat skinny guy inside me is very trusting and let the fat fat guy take the lead.  For the first part of the night he behaved himself.  He had a couple of small carnitas tacos with lots of onions and cilantro and just a little bit of the avocado salsa on top.  Together they licked the plate clean.  The fat skinny guy was content and satisfied.  The fat fat guy was just getting going.  When he got up to get more, the conversation continued:

FatSkinny: “Dude, what are you doing?  We just ate. We’re good.”

FatFat: “Man, you don’t know anything do you.  Sarah is a Filipina.”

FatSkinny: “So.”

FatFat: “Dude, we cleaned our plate.  That’s very offensive in her culture.  You need to leave a little on the plate so that she knows you’re full.”

FatSkinny: “That’s not true.  Besides, she knows we’re dieting she’ll understand.”

FatFat: “Oh, she’ll say she understands but inside she’ll be crying bitter tears as you trample all over her culture and people. Do you really want to upset this lovely young lady? Can you live with yourself knowing that you have caused her great embarrassment and she’ll never be able to host another dinner again?  Are you a monster?  Are you dead inside?”

FatSkinny: “Okay, okay.  But just grab a little and eat even less of it.”

After eating a second, FULL plate, the fat fat guy was hitting his stride.

FatSkinny: “Dude, you ate the whole thing.  You were supposed to leave some on the plate so she wouldn’t be offended. Now you have to get more.”

FatFat: “No way man, I’m stuffed.  I couldn’t eat another bite.”

FatSkinny: “WHAT?!”

FatFat: “Besides, we still have dessert.”

FatSkinny:”We are so not having dessert. We’ve eaten way too much already.”

FatFat: “Hey, we have to have dessert. They went through all that effort to make us food. It would be rude not to eat it.”

FatSkinny: “Fine! One small piece. But I am not happy”

Eats dessert.

FatFat: “Oh man, that was fantastic. I think those were lemon bars?”

FatSkinny: “How could you tell?  You inhaled them so fast I’m surprised any of it was on your tongue long enough to taste it. And I said one small piece. You  didn’t have to eat two and Nicole’s!”

The fat fat guy paid dearly the next couple of days.  The fat skinny guy pushed him at the gym harder than he’s been pushed to this point. Determined to make up any ground we may have lost eating like a glutton.  I sweated more, ran harder, and biked farther setting new personal bests in all three categories.  I went to the gym at 5:30am and I’m pretty sure it was noon before I stopped sweating.  Despite the fat fat guys best efforts, I am still weighing in at 28 lbs. lighter than when I started.

I learned something about myself this week.  I have no will power at other people’s homes. So if you invite us  to dinner, please understand in advance I will have to say no to some foods.  I don’t want to offend you. I just can’t take the extra work at the gym.

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3 thoughts on “Jared and the Fat Man

  1. Tana says:

    I’m in your wife’s fitness group, and I’ve been enjoying your blog. Keep up the hard work! I look forward to continuing to follow your journey.

    Like

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